this blog is still essentially private. I mean no one will really read my feelings. 

i have so much anxiety right now. 

I get scared on actually finishing school. having a legit doctor position. it’s overwhelming at times.

i get scared about if i’m even smart enough to do what i want to do for a living, and i get nervous about the future. I get scared that i’ll mess it up..or i get scared that I may end up really doing a lot of things by myself in the future like..raise kids…having to do stuff overall by myself. I hated to see my mom be so alone all the time, so what if i end up turning into what i hated to see growing up? 

I can only hope i guess.

I believe that sometimes, if you put your feelings hard enough in a dish or an entree, then you can also taste the emotions that come with it. Baking or cooking is just like making art-work, except you can eat it.

Tonight, I took my feelings out that ive been having for the past day or so; my sadness and anxiety, and placed them in banana muffins. I feel a bit better after baking, but then i ate one and felt my feelings in them…

still good muffins though.

I..am trying very hard to be the best person I can be…

Someone that respects, has a want to understand..has a desire to be that mature partner for another when needed

Wants to understand another’s feelings and thoughts to further strengthen a bond because she loves that person

Why do I feel a failure tonight? Why is it hard to figure out what’s the right or wrong to say with you…

i had a dream to get out of louisiana during my schooling, and i guess i finally did it. 

I’m still healing,I’m still learning about my own habits and understanding changes in perspective of situations that occur..

And I know I myself have gotten better each week..and I’ve come to grow and respect you more and want to still continue to better myself.

But I do deserve some respect in return

Love is about trying to work with the other and love is about wanting to be with the other..

I love you no matter good or bad..

[candiedsmokedsalmon]

anyway. onto better things

[mukkiethekip]

family outing (full view!)

[ezorzea]

my skills include being a sleepyhead and a sweetiepie

When I needed my father the most at my lowest recently, he just never showed up and told me good luck as I told him how terrified I was on the phone and how much I needed my father right now. 

there was a point where I asked him if ultimately I could temporarily move with them until I could gain a place and he never responded to the multiple times I had asked. 

I’ve never felt so heart broken by my own blood until now, as an adult. 

Would I ever tell anyone this? nah…but I can say it here in the void. 

I watched my first cochlear implant surgeries today.